valentines day and puppy love

so got asked a question tonight. How do u know when ur feelings for someone are from God or is just u?

I said well be patient and if it is of the Lord, the guy will make the first move, he will show interest first. our job is to wait!

when I thought about that even more I was reminded how easy those words are to say but its sooo much harder to do it. why is that? its not in our nature to wait! we want what we want when we want it....and that's now!

even more so with Valentines day around the corner. but God showed me something really cool.
waiting is easier when I have someone to wait with( him) I have him while I'm waiting! so in that convo I got to encourage and be encouraged...IT WAS AWESOME

WELP THATS ITS

A New Year

Well, its been a little while since i last wrote on here, so i thought I'd start the year off right. Last year, if you would have told me that i would be where i am now, doing what i do, that i would be friends with the people i am....Im pretty sure i would have called u crazy and had you committed!!

God has done such a great work in my life this past year and i know 2010 is going to even better.

There's one thing i have been wanting to say and thats wow am i blessed. This past Christmas was one of the most amazing ever. I never thought most people liked me and if they seemed like they did i thought it was an act.and yet so many people came together and gave me something that i know could have only come from the Lord moving in there hearts. with that gift, my grandpa and I paid bills and food. it caught me by surprise and reminded me of how much im loved by so many people

which brings me to my friends...last year i had a few good friends. and this year i find myself with a few that i would have never thought id be friends with. people i consider family. they are a little strange, goofy, crazy, loving, encouraging, and they LOVE JESUS. im so thankful for them.

....Lately i have been reminded more and more that God is my satisfaction. even when i signed on here and read a friends blog post on being single...it reminded me of the fact that Jesus is all i need. but this is not a post about how i dont need a boyfriend but rather how God has used my lack of one to bring me closer to him. to bring people in my life that love and care for me. to open up the door to be used in a ministry that blesses me all the time.

last year was a great year but im looking forward to 2010.....BRING IT ON

Family

I have never been the overly emotional girl who complains or whines about what i dont have or even what i miss. i deal with it and move on. But today, well tonight was hard. :(

My mother, who i have never spent a holiday with that i can remember , was suppose to come for thanksgiving, along with my sisters. We have never had a real relationship and this was going to my first step to try and make up for 17 years. I thought i didnt really care if she came or not....i thought i didnt really want her too. But when she called me and left a message saying none of them were going to make it out, i broke down and cried. I never realized how much i missed her. I lost the closest person to a mom when i was 9 and spent most of my life hating my real one.

But i miss her now. maybe its that this time of year brings happy and sad memories. we use to have big family dinners and get togethers. I never felt alone or unloved. But the day my grandma died. Dec 29th, 1998...everything seemed to end. it was just me and my Grandpa and has been since. no big family dinners, just us.

I didnt think i missed it until now. sometimes i cant help but feel alone. But then even as im typing this the Lord reminds me that im HIS. (psalm 27:10) that He WILL NEVER leave me, that He is my comforter, my Provider, my friend, and my Savior. is my all.

When you feel alone this season remember who our God is, remember that he will never let you down. and that He is there in the midst of our loneliness. be thankful for all he has provided.

1. My salvation, his grace and mercy- without these i have no life, im dead in my sins

2. My grandpa- he never stops taking care of me, he loves me, and has been there when no one else was

3.My health- im alive

4.My sisters- who give great godly counsel, who lead me, encourage me, who just simply bless me. im amazed by how God has blessed me with each of you. you may not be blood but know that you are loved.

5. My brothers- God has blessed me with such godly brothers. they may not be blood but they mean more to me then blood. they look out for me, love me, understand me, listen, and they are always there.

6. Ministry- God has blessed me, by using me. im excited to see what is still to come.

There are so many things im thankful for. God is faithful, even as im typing this..crying...God reminded me how loved i am....and how much i am not alone. :)Tell me what your tankful for?

One of Them

So im getting rid of some papers and i come across my "list" you know what im talking about. the list that almost every girl has made! yep you guessed it...the future boyfriend or husband wants and dont want list.

i felt like such a lil girl reading it. it was written about a year ago when i was going to Grace and was involved in a super sweet girls bible study. we all made them and then talked about a few things on the list. and Tami(the leader) read us hers. it was a cool experience. but as im reading it i realized what a dork i am lol for example...must like Star Trek haha yeah that was on the list.

but as i was reading it..i was reminded of how amazing my God is. I am his daughter. i dont have to settle, for any godly man, but i get His best. Which is amazing, cuz Gods best is well the BEST.

Also the need to be patient. as a girl i hate waiting :) but more and more as i fall in love with Jesus I see that i lack nothing and only in him am i complete. its such a great feeling. And on wednesday i got to minister to 2 girls that are just so in love with Jesus too. who are struggling in the waiting department(their in high school) and i just got to encourage them and share some things that some people dont know. I got to share with them my passion for girls to truly rely on God to write their love story and the importance of purity. it was a blessing. and then tonight God ministers to my own heart the same thing. :)

I have such an amazing Daddy. (psalm 27:10) He has always and will always take me in

You Must Wait?

I am probably the worlds most impatient person. I hate waiting for anything...let alone the big things. I want what i want when i want it!! But that was then. I am really learning the beauty of patience. Need to rely on Gods time and not my own. Ecc 3:11 " He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end" Most people when they use this verse to talk about waiting they once say the first part. God has made everything beautiful in its time but then end of that verse makes me see that i wont understand Gods plan most of the time. I may not understand why i wait for something, why i lose someone, or why i am where I am but i can trust that the sovereign God already knows that answer.

God has really been showing my how much he is in control. "commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act" Psalm 37:5 Trusting in the Lord to act! but once i give it to the Lord do i need to still worry about it? " the young lions suffer and want but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" Psalm 34:10 I dont need to worry cuz i lack no good thing. i have every good thing i need and if i dont have something then its cuz its not good for me at this time. A desire for a relationship, marriage, family, a job, a degree, or even a new car, if you dont have them now dont worry bout it but commit your way to the Lord and know that he will supply all your needs.

I think as a girl this is hard for me. but im learning that everything needs to be in His time and waiting should be exciting cuz i wanna see how it plays out! and when it comes to love or relationships im reminded even more of His time. entering into a relationship or dating someone who is not who God has for is not worth it cuz im a daughter of the living God and i deserve the best! :D

THE BEAUTY IS IN THE WAITING

Content in the Message

I was having a conversation with a friend a while back and we were talking about not getting anything from messages or not really getting anything form quiet time. we were talking as if it was normal to walk away from the word and not learn a thing. i was reading today and was reminded that if you walk away from listening to the word or reading it and we walk away with nothing then maybe i went in not expecting anything? "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God, to draw near to listen is better.." Ecc 5:1. this verse convicted me. am i going before the Lord saying "God i am here to listen, speak to me" i know that i if i were to go into any message or my quiet time that God will speak to me no matter who is teaching or what is on my heart. his word is living and active and it never comes back to empty but will accomplish his purpose. if the reason we have messages and devotion time is to learn more about out God then he will show us more about him, it will add to our joy. we wont walk away unchanged

God help me to always be prepared to hear from you. you have not told me that you will only speak to me every once in while but that if i am your sheep i will know you voice, that my delight will be in the law of the Lord if i meditate on it day and night,that your word are sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Father let my soul be consumed with longing for you word at all times.

Trusting in my faithful Father and Savior

God has a funny way of bringing what he has been showing me up over and over again.

For example....being Faithful. I have always thought of myself as a faithful person. i do what i need to do. i serve in ministry and am never late ;) but where i lacked faithfulness was in my follow through of what God wanted. Im like Jonah at times where id rather run then do....

school, work, church, family, friends, etc. i try and handle everything but in the end i get tried and lazy. when that happens i don't wanna do a thing. so everything suffers. i made commitments to each of these areas so i have to be faithful to them. Then God brings up a great point, everything i make commitments to have all been MY choice but where in the midst of decisions did i ask what HE wanted? so i did and with me asking i said that i would be faithful in whatever happens...


God showed me that school was not where he wanted me. my desire has always been to be a stay at home mom and wife(whenever that day comes), even in my reasons for school, it had nothing to do with me but how it would work if i had to work and have kids. this was hard for me because everyone has always said...you have to go to college! you have to have a fall back! what if? whats if? then someone super smart and amazing said what if? those things happened, does that change Gods provision? it was the smartest and most convicting thing i had heard. God was giving me a chance to trust him.( i was kinda freakin out tho) lol


Then God reminded me of his faithfulness. He has never let me down, never led me down the wrong path,and has always provided. He was asking me to trust that he would continue doing what hes always done. so i acted and waited to see what would happen lol

so i did it. i jumped an was waiting to see where i would land. you know how people say when a door closes another opens. well it did! 2009 High School Summer camp came and God showed me the blessing i was missing out on. ministry and serving is where he wanted me the whole time.i had the desire to be used more but now what? i wasnt sure where to go or what to do about it. i just knew i wanted to be used. then doors began to open for me to be more involved and to be used even more.HE GIVES AND TAKES AWAY. so far the choice to trust him has been a blessing and it just keeps coming. i get people who think im making a bad choice, or am just being lazy, or whatever. but for the first time in my life i am not doing what "feels" right or what they want but im trusting in the Lord and his plan. ITS STINKIN COOL. yeah im still at a part time job and have bills that my grandpa is helping pay but God is faithful and keeps reminding me of his faithfulness. Im sitting back and watching what he does!