Family

I have never been the overly emotional girl who complains or whines about what i dont have or even what i miss. i deal with it and move on. But today, well tonight was hard. :(

My mother, who i have never spent a holiday with that i can remember , was suppose to come for thanksgiving, along with my sisters. We have never had a real relationship and this was going to my first step to try and make up for 17 years. I thought i didnt really care if she came or not....i thought i didnt really want her too. But when she called me and left a message saying none of them were going to make it out, i broke down and cried. I never realized how much i missed her. I lost the closest person to a mom when i was 9 and spent most of my life hating my real one.

But i miss her now. maybe its that this time of year brings happy and sad memories. we use to have big family dinners and get togethers. I never felt alone or unloved. But the day my grandma died. Dec 29th, 1998...everything seemed to end. it was just me and my Grandpa and has been since. no big family dinners, just us.

I didnt think i missed it until now. sometimes i cant help but feel alone. But then even as im typing this the Lord reminds me that im HIS. (psalm 27:10) that He WILL NEVER leave me, that He is my comforter, my Provider, my friend, and my Savior. is my all.

When you feel alone this season remember who our God is, remember that he will never let you down. and that He is there in the midst of our loneliness. be thankful for all he has provided.

1. My salvation, his grace and mercy- without these i have no life, im dead in my sins

2. My grandpa- he never stops taking care of me, he loves me, and has been there when no one else was

3.My health- im alive

4.My sisters- who give great godly counsel, who lead me, encourage me, who just simply bless me. im amazed by how God has blessed me with each of you. you may not be blood but know that you are loved.

5. My brothers- God has blessed me with such godly brothers. they may not be blood but they mean more to me then blood. they look out for me, love me, understand me, listen, and they are always there.

6. Ministry- God has blessed me, by using me. im excited to see what is still to come.

There are so many things im thankful for. God is faithful, even as im typing this..crying...God reminded me how loved i am....and how much i am not alone. :)Tell me what your tankful for?

One of Them

So im getting rid of some papers and i come across my "list" you know what im talking about. the list that almost every girl has made! yep you guessed it...the future boyfriend or husband wants and dont want list.

i felt like such a lil girl reading it. it was written about a year ago when i was going to Grace and was involved in a super sweet girls bible study. we all made them and then talked about a few things on the list. and Tami(the leader) read us hers. it was a cool experience. but as im reading it i realized what a dork i am lol for example...must like Star Trek haha yeah that was on the list.

but as i was reading it..i was reminded of how amazing my God is. I am his daughter. i dont have to settle, for any godly man, but i get His best. Which is amazing, cuz Gods best is well the BEST.

Also the need to be patient. as a girl i hate waiting :) but more and more as i fall in love with Jesus I see that i lack nothing and only in him am i complete. its such a great feeling. And on wednesday i got to minister to 2 girls that are just so in love with Jesus too. who are struggling in the waiting department(their in high school) and i just got to encourage them and share some things that some people dont know. I got to share with them my passion for girls to truly rely on God to write their love story and the importance of purity. it was a blessing. and then tonight God ministers to my own heart the same thing. :)

I have such an amazing Daddy. (psalm 27:10) He has always and will always take me in

You Must Wait?

I am probably the worlds most impatient person. I hate waiting for anything...let alone the big things. I want what i want when i want it!! But that was then. I am really learning the beauty of patience. Need to rely on Gods time and not my own. Ecc 3:11 " He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end" Most people when they use this verse to talk about waiting they once say the first part. God has made everything beautiful in its time but then end of that verse makes me see that i wont understand Gods plan most of the time. I may not understand why i wait for something, why i lose someone, or why i am where I am but i can trust that the sovereign God already knows that answer.

God has really been showing my how much he is in control. "commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act" Psalm 37:5 Trusting in the Lord to act! but once i give it to the Lord do i need to still worry about it? " the young lions suffer and want but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" Psalm 34:10 I dont need to worry cuz i lack no good thing. i have every good thing i need and if i dont have something then its cuz its not good for me at this time. A desire for a relationship, marriage, family, a job, a degree, or even a new car, if you dont have them now dont worry bout it but commit your way to the Lord and know that he will supply all your needs.

I think as a girl this is hard for me. but im learning that everything needs to be in His time and waiting should be exciting cuz i wanna see how it plays out! and when it comes to love or relationships im reminded even more of His time. entering into a relationship or dating someone who is not who God has for is not worth it cuz im a daughter of the living God and i deserve the best! :D

THE BEAUTY IS IN THE WAITING

Content in the Message

I was having a conversation with a friend a while back and we were talking about not getting anything from messages or not really getting anything form quiet time. we were talking as if it was normal to walk away from the word and not learn a thing. i was reading today and was reminded that if you walk away from listening to the word or reading it and we walk away with nothing then maybe i went in not expecting anything? "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God, to draw near to listen is better.." Ecc 5:1. this verse convicted me. am i going before the Lord saying "God i am here to listen, speak to me" i know that i if i were to go into any message or my quiet time that God will speak to me no matter who is teaching or what is on my heart. his word is living and active and it never comes back to empty but will accomplish his purpose. if the reason we have messages and devotion time is to learn more about out God then he will show us more about him, it will add to our joy. we wont walk away unchanged

God help me to always be prepared to hear from you. you have not told me that you will only speak to me every once in while but that if i am your sheep i will know you voice, that my delight will be in the law of the Lord if i meditate on it day and night,that your word are sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Father let my soul be consumed with longing for you word at all times.

Trusting in my faithful Father and Savior

God has a funny way of bringing what he has been showing me up over and over again.

For example....being Faithful. I have always thought of myself as a faithful person. i do what i need to do. i serve in ministry and am never late ;) but where i lacked faithfulness was in my follow through of what God wanted. Im like Jonah at times where id rather run then do....

school, work, church, family, friends, etc. i try and handle everything but in the end i get tried and lazy. when that happens i don't wanna do a thing. so everything suffers. i made commitments to each of these areas so i have to be faithful to them. Then God brings up a great point, everything i make commitments to have all been MY choice but where in the midst of decisions did i ask what HE wanted? so i did and with me asking i said that i would be faithful in whatever happens...


God showed me that school was not where he wanted me. my desire has always been to be a stay at home mom and wife(whenever that day comes), even in my reasons for school, it had nothing to do with me but how it would work if i had to work and have kids. this was hard for me because everyone has always said...you have to go to college! you have to have a fall back! what if? whats if? then someone super smart and amazing said what if? those things happened, does that change Gods provision? it was the smartest and most convicting thing i had heard. God was giving me a chance to trust him.( i was kinda freakin out tho) lol


Then God reminded me of his faithfulness. He has never let me down, never led me down the wrong path,and has always provided. He was asking me to trust that he would continue doing what hes always done. so i acted and waited to see what would happen lol

so i did it. i jumped an was waiting to see where i would land. you know how people say when a door closes another opens. well it did! 2009 High School Summer camp came and God showed me the blessing i was missing out on. ministry and serving is where he wanted me the whole time.i had the desire to be used more but now what? i wasnt sure where to go or what to do about it. i just knew i wanted to be used. then doors began to open for me to be more involved and to be used even more.HE GIVES AND TAKES AWAY. so far the choice to trust him has been a blessing and it just keeps coming. i get people who think im making a bad choice, or am just being lazy, or whatever. but for the first time in my life i am not doing what "feels" right or what they want but im trusting in the Lord and his plan. ITS STINKIN COOL. yeah im still at a part time job and have bills that my grandpa is helping pay but God is faithful and keeps reminding me of his faithfulness. Im sitting back and watching what he does!

"Beloved, let us love one another"

<3 LOVE <3
~*~1st John 4:7-8, we say this verse, we know, and love this verse. but how real is it in our life? i have noticed that in my own life, i love but it at times is a surface love. when i see brothers and sisters in the Lord, i ask "hey how are you?" they reply " im great" i end up walking away after say thing "thats good, me too." does that show my love? why dont i ask why? or maybe just really invest. God does not show us a surface kind of love but a deep and unfathomable love. i know i cant love like he can but i can try my best to truly love on people. to see where they are, if there in need, and i cant stop being fake! every time i say hi to someone but in my heart i cant careless how they r doing thats just being fake. and i need to do a heart check. we are love our neighbor as our self. if i were in need or hurting, i would want my "friends" to show they care, or the church to show they care and they truly love.

last night i heard about a movie that is showing what people think of Christians and what people thing about Jesus. the thing missing in there def of us as believers is love. the love we should have for each other but mostly fo r this world is not there. we look down on people without even noticing, we hate and dont see its wrong. we would rather argue then love. man did this convict me. we are suppose to hate the sin and love the sinner, why then is it the other way around? check out this video. it really made me think.

Josh said something that really God me thinking. the way to win San Fran for Jesus is not with protests and outreaches but with opening the church like its a hospital and love on people and meet their needs.

Finding Strength in The only Place it Can Be Found

so last week was a real test for me i think. being sick and not wanting to do anything.
i think we all go thru moments where we are just plain lazy and almost feeling distant(your really not but because ur lazy the enemy tells you that u are) from him.. i felt that way up until witnessing Friday night. The Lord began to show me how much i base things on feelings and my joy. I think as a girl, its just bound to happen...that whole feelings thing :P. it was even cooler cuz my bro Ty posted something on his blog a few days before about serving( but getting over worked) and loving the Lord. I think i needed to be reminded that i serve because i love him! i may not have been feeling up to witnessing(sick, and still tryin to kill Satan's voice in my head) but i went not cuz i felt i had to but because i love my Father and i wasn't going to let anything keep me from showing my love for him and i want everyone to know Him like i do. so i went and i was blessed! i set out to bless my King but got blessed instead.

Sunday night around 1 or 2 im sitting on my steps and im talking with God and just hangin with Him. and it clicks. That his presence is not based on how im feeling that day or what mood im in, or even how far ive fallin that day cuz he is always there. Psalm 26:8- i love every place His glory dwells. I prayed for him to remind me of his presence and He did. <3

(side note)---My walk, has never been on solid ground until 7 months ago. i would pray and because of the sin and my heart nothing happened. and if it did it was never that fast!! this for me was HUGH, im talking Grand Canyon sized. To be more aware of his presence in the past few month, than i ever had over 6 years is pretty awesome for me. so i was pretty JAZZED!!

And tonight i was really lacking strength and it was my strength that i felt i needed. so again outside, "God bless this time in your word, God give me strength, let me keeping feeling your presence and trusting you" or something like that. any who, i open up my devo book and its Psalm 61:2-"From the end of the earth i call to you when my heart is faint. lead me to the rock that is higher than i"

FAINT-LACKING STRENGTH

I needed his all along. and again it clicked just like it Sunday, and 7 months ago. it was like i finally got it. and i share this not only for what God showed me personally but as a praise report

we serving a living God. one who answers prayer, who keeps his children safe, who works everything out, who will never give us more than we can handle, who give us an escape when we are tempted, who died and rose again! its a praise report because i can truly say that the living God, the Creator, my Abba, Father...is MOVING AND WORKING AT ALL TIMES! HE CHANGED MY LIFE and is constantly doing a work!

THAT ALONE DESERVES PRAISE <3<3

The Nazirite Vow

This Morning has just been a stinkin blessing. I was able to wake up early and spend time with the Lord. And i have found that wakin up early is so much better then sleeping in. When i wake up early, I have more time with God and i can fully enjoy our time and not rush cuz i have to be in class or somewhere in 30 mins or an hour. What a blessing it is to take my time and stinkin get real encouragement and conviction from the Lord. crazyness dude. Anyway really cool thing i read this morning that spoke to me heart and made me smile.

I read 1st Samuel and there is so much in the 1st chapter that just blew my mind but when Hannah makes her vow to the Lord that if the Lord would give her a son, that her son would be the Lords and the no razor would touch his head (1st Sam. 1:11). I didnt get the big deal at 1st so i read numbers 6. This vow to not cut his hair wasnt just not cutting his hair. It was the Nazirite vow, a vow of seperation to the Lord for a period of time. During this time tho they couldnt drink wine or pretty much have anything to do with anything that is associated with wine. They couldnt cut their hair because his head was consecrated

to consecrate means to be made sacred or devoted to a solemn purpose

Numbers 6:7 " ...Until the time is completed for which he separates himself to the Lord, he shall be holy, he shall let locks of his head grow long"

Because during this time they were holy, they could not be around any unclean thing or dead body. If my chance someone died next to them, they were no longer holy but has sinned and had to present a sin offering and cut their hair and start again after they had given their offering (numbers 6: 7-11)

When i read that i was freakin out. Hannah was saying God my son will be separated to you, he will be yours and he will be holy. he will be devoted to you. not for a few years but for his whole life.

It made me realize that i have been taken out of this world and brought to God. i am to be separate from the world and to the Lord, forever. I am to be holy (1st peter 1:16). And when i put myself around the things of this world that are unclean and are sin, i am no longer holy. But thank the Lord that i dont have to kill an animal cuz Christ's blood already covers my sin offering!!!!!! But i will need to start fresh again and forget before and just move on from there(Numbers 6:12)

How much of a reminder that was for me, to remind me that i am called to holy and set apart for the Lord, that i am his and he is mine. that my life is not my own!!! And that Christ's blood is what makes me clean and holy, without it, i would still be unclean and living apart from God. Its not my hair that makes me holy, or sets me apart to God, it was the Blood

Change that has been long in the makin

okay so i am so stoked right now that i just needed to tell someone!!!! for the pass few hours i have been reading John! and i hate reading but lately i have found myself just wanting to be in Gods word more and more. which is something that has never happen before. recently God brought me to my knees and made me see that just callin myself a Christian wont do me any good but that he desires so much more from me. so i surrendered and oh man has he been showing himself like crazy and one way i really noticed the change is in my quiet time and my time in his word. i dont wanna stop reading sometimes its amazing.

But its not just in reading like i find myself being convicted on things that would never have convicted me before and its just plain crazy cool!!! im just so excited to see what God has next. and even in the midst of hard times and interesting events i find myslef at peace!!!!! this is crazy

Gods Word Finding a Home

This morning has been such a stinkin blessing. i woke up way to early but got to hang with my grandpa before he went to take a bone scan and more tests. we had breakfast smoothies and just talked. such a cool way to start of a school day. but it just got better. here is something that blew my mind during my quiet time

John 8:11 " If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples"

the word abide means to remain,stay, dwell, reside, to have ones abode or home in. i also heard John Piper say that the word abide means to take root.

just the def alone got me really thinking. Can i say that im abiding in Gods word? do i remain in his word? is it taking root in my life and mind? Does his word find a home in me? And if it does then im truly his disciple. Jon Courson said that a disciple is not only one who follows Jesus but one who continues in, takes heed to, and makes high priority of. so when Gods word is abiding in me, im going to continue in his word, im going to take heed to, and im going to make it a priority. hold rusted metal batman that is so awesome!!!!!! and it gets better.

John 15:7 " If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you"

If we remain in the Lord and his word remains in us we can trust that we ask him for something he is faithful to answer and act.(psalm 37:5)