Sunday, November 22, 2009


I have never been the overly emotional girl who complains or whines about what i dont have or even what i miss. i deal with it and move on. But today, well tonight was hard. :(

My mother, who i have never spent a holiday with that i can remember , was suppose to come for thanksgiving, along with my sisters. We have never had a real relationship and this was going to my first step to try and make up for 17 years. I thought i didnt really care if she came or not....i thought i didnt really want her too. But when she called me and left a message saying none of them were going to make it out, i broke down and cried. I never realized how much i missed her. I lost the closest person to a mom when i was 9 and spent most of my life hating my real one.

But i miss her now. maybe its that this time of year brings happy and sad memories. we use to have big family dinners and get togethers. I never felt alone or unloved. But the day my grandma died. Dec 29th, 1998...everything seemed to end. it was just me and my Grandpa and has been since. no big family dinners, just us.

I didnt think i missed it until now. sometimes i cant help but feel alone. But then even as im typing this the Lord reminds me that im HIS. (psalm 27:10) that He WILL NEVER leave me, that He is my comforter, my Provider, my friend, and my Savior. is my all.

When you feel alone this season remember who our God is, remember that he will never let you down. and that He is there in the midst of our loneliness. be thankful for all he has provided.

1. My salvation, his grace and mercy- without these i have no life, im dead in my sins

2. My grandpa- he never stops taking care of me, he loves me, and has been there when no one else was

3.My health- im alive

4.My sisters- who give great godly counsel, who lead me, encourage me, who just simply bless me. im amazed by how God has blessed me with each of you. you may not be blood but know that you are loved.

5. My brothers- God has blessed me with such godly brothers. they may not be blood but they mean more to me then blood. they look out for me, love me, understand me, listen, and they are always there.

6. Ministry- God has blessed me, by using me. im excited to see what is still to come.

There are so many things im thankful for. God is faithful, even as im typing this..crying...God reminded me how loved i am....and how much i am not alone. :)Tell me what your tankful for?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

One of Them

So im getting rid of some papers and i come across my "list" you know what im talking about. the list that almost every girl has made! yep you guessed it...the future boyfriend or husband wants and dont want list.

i felt like such a lil girl reading it. it was written about a year ago when i was going to Grace and was involved in a super sweet girls bible study. we all made them and then talked about a few things on the list. and Tami(the leader) read us hers. it was a cool experience. but as im reading it i realized what a dork i am lol for example...must like Star Trek haha yeah that was on the list.

but as i was reading it..i was reminded of how amazing my God is. I am his daughter. i dont have to settle, for any godly man, but i get His best. Which is amazing, cuz Gods best is well the BEST.

Also the need to be patient. as a girl i hate waiting :) but more and more as i fall in love with Jesus I see that i lack nothing and only in him am i complete. its such a great feeling. And on wednesday i got to minister to 2 girls that are just so in love with Jesus too. who are struggling in the waiting department(their in high school) and i just got to encourage them and share some things that some people dont know. I got to share with them my passion for girls to truly rely on God to write their love story and the importance of purity. it was a blessing. and then tonight God ministers to my own heart the same thing. :)

I have such an amazing Daddy. (psalm 27:10) He has always and will always take me in